Winging It
by Tramontana Keeper
Summary: Levi has a secret: he and Eren have something in common. Sort of. Besides killing titans. (wingfic)
1. Secrets Shared

"Well?" Erwin said to Levi at dinner, nudging him with his elbow.

"Well what?"

"What do you think of Eren?"

Levi glanced over to where Eren was sitting at the corner of the table, clearly uncomfortable among so many unfamiliar faces.

"Not much. He's a fucking brat. We'll see how he does with the Survey Corps."

Erwin gave him a look of disappointment.

"You know that's not what I'm talking about."

"What else am I supposed to think?"

"You're interested in him."

Levi frowned, so Erwin made it easier for him.

"It makes _sense_, Levi. You didn't know that there was anybody else like you. Isn't that why you wanted to take charge of him?"

"I wanted to kill titans with him. Seemed like a good idea at the time."

"There's nothing wrong with being interested," Erwin insisted. "The two of you are-"

"He turns into a fucking _titan_," Levi snapped. "He grows back limbs. We're not alike at all."

"Maybe you grow back limbs, too. We've never had occasion to check."

Levi shot him a disgusted look.

Erwin remembered the first time he had seen Levi transform, flying out of nowhere to snatch him out of danger in the middle of battle. Levi had been elegant and beautiful, and Erwin had suddenly realized just _why_ he was so damn good with the 3D maneuver gear. Levi had tried to run away after that battle; Mike had had to sit on him to get him to listen long enough to hear that they still wanted him, that they would protect him.

And they had, ever since.

"Talk to him," Erwin suggested.

"He doesn't know anything!"

"It would do you good," Erwin said softly. "None of us know what it's really like. He'll be able to understand in a way we can't."

"You _do_ understand me," Levi said sullenly. "I have the Corps. I don't need anybody else, especially not some dumbshit kid."

Erwin smiled internally, touched. It wasn't often Levi was so open. Some part of it must have shown on his face, because Levi's eyes flicked to him then quickly away, and he looked embarrassed.

"Besides, who knows if he's trustworthy?" Levi continued.

"I want you to talk to him."

"Is that an order?"

"A request." Erwin fixed him with a look. "Watch for a bit. See what you think of him."

Levi speared a bite of meat with more forced than necessary, his gaze on his plate. "No promises."

"Just remember," Erwin added, "the castle is big, and it's just the Corps here right now. Nobody else will see. It's a good chance. Actually, you could cut loose a little for a few days if you want, we don't mind." He couldn't help the amusement in his eyes. Levi was _pretty_ when he transformed, and the rest of the squad did a bad job of hiding how much they liked it. Especially Hange.

Levi shot him a look of horror. "Like _hell_."

* * *

The first day Eren spent mostly being terrified because the Survey Corps seemed weirder by the minute, and there was no knowing when Corporal Levi would decide to flip his shit next, and Eren did not actually like getting beaten up. He had gotten beat up a few times in his life, but never quite so _thoroughly_. So he tried to keep a low profile, while everybody around him kept making strange statements that might be able to be interpreted as awkward jokes, but Eren didn't yet trust his familiarity with them enough to do so. He mostly responded to these maybe-jokes with flinching.

After a while, they got the hint, and cut it out. For a few minutes at a time, at least.

Most of the day was spent cleaning anyway, and Eren had a moment of panic when the corporal told him to redo his part, until he saw that almost _everybody_ was asked to redo something. So it wasn't just him.

All in all, he made it through an entire day without getting beaten up once.

The week mostly continued like that, getting steadily weirder, what with Hange's experiments and all. Everybody seemed to be following Eren around, and _he_ was commanded to follow Corporal Levi around, so the whole situation resembled a very strange game of follow-the-leader.

But still, Levi didn't seem to find Eren any more annoying than he found the world at large, so maybe that was just his default expression. His teammates certainly seemed to get along with him well enough (sort of? Maybe? Perhaps Eren would know he'd acclimated to the Survey Corps when their dynamic started to seem normal to him).

As a result of the (relative) success of Hange's experiments with his titan form, the corporal started to show more interest in Eren generally, though Eren soon realized that interest was taking the form of _really nerve-wracking questions_ that Levi of all people really shouldn't know to ask.

Questions like "can you tap your titan power without transforming? Do you think you've ever done that? Do you want to?"

The only logical implication Eren could attach to that was Levi assuming that his titan-self was leaking into his human self, which was fucking scary and _not_ a thought he wanted to entertain. He promptly denied all accusations, but Levi's only response was a shrug and a 'hm'.

But that wasn't the end of it. Every day Levi ran Eren through a training session, and every single time the questions would come.

"Do you feel when you're reaching the limit of your transformation?"

"How quickly do you integrate with your titan body while transforming? Have you tried to speed it up? Why not?"

"Have you ever transformed at night? Did you notice any difference?"

"Can you end a transformation on your own, or does it have to come from the outside?"

Eren kept looking for traps hidden in the questions, but no matter what he answered, no retribution was forthcoming. The questions were always asked in an inquiring tone, and most of the time, Eren's answers were met with a thoughtful hum. Maybe Levi wasn't out to get him, he started thinking hopefully, when a whole week had passed and nothing bad had happened. So he tried to answer as best as he could, because lying was probably a bad idea even if the corporal didn't harbor any homicidal tendencies.

Privately, though, the questions made him nervous, because they were so damn _specific_. Even Hange didn't ask questions like that, mostly testing his responses and seeing how he felt afterwards. But he could accept, now, that whatever the corporal's mysterious purpose was, it probably wasn't some sort of hidden nastiness. Eren resolved to do his best while training, cooperate with whatever was asked of him, and trust that the corporal was actually looking out for his best interests. Even though he was very demanding, Eren didn't feel that Levi was stricter with him than he was with the rest of the squad, or with himself, for that matter. Of course, since the corporal seemed scarily capable at everything he did, that wasn't saying much.

* * *

It was late evening, the castle's few used rooms throwing pinpoints of light out into the darkening sky, when Levi abruptly turned to him.

"Come on, Eren."

As if Eren didn't follow him around everywhere _anyway_.

"We're going to the roof."

Which was weird, because Levi didn't usually bother explaining himself. After the day they'd had, Eren thought, his muscles strained from trying to master a particularly difficult maneuver, Levi probably wanted to throw him off the side of the building or something. Eren couldn't restrain a sigh.

Levi glanced at him sharply, but thankfully, didn't say anything.

They climbed up endless staircases, and Eren quickly realized that they were headed towards a less-used portion of the base. They encountered nobody on the way, and no light except for Levi's lantern. It was a relief when they were out on the ramparts, breathing cool, clean air, the stars strewn above them.

Eren felt a curl of curiosity when Levi turned to him and set the lantern down. Though, the light was anything but comforting, since it lit Levi's face from below, giving him a harsh, otherworldly air.

"We need to talk," he ground out, and yeah, Eren had no idea what was going on.

"Yes, sir."

"The two of us," Levi began, and then he stopped. Eren waited for a few seconds to see what would happen, but it looked like Levi had decided to just give up.

"This wasn't my idea," Levi started over. Eren had never seen him flustered before. He actually had the feeling that a flustered Corporal Levi was liable to be volatile, and tried to breathe as little as possible.

For that matter, if something was enough to bother _Levi_, maybe he should be worried as well?

"You're not to talk about this with anybody," Levi shot out. "Actually, scratch that, it doesn't matter, nobody would believe you. I hope." He frowned. "_I_ wouldn't believe you, but then, I'm not an idiot. Just… no talking about this, you hear?"

"Yes, sir!" Which meant that he hadn't brought Eren here to kill him, which was a relief.

"Erwin says we're _alike_." Levi's face twisted, as if the thought was unpleasant, which kind of saddened Eren. "Personally I think 'alike' is too strong a word. But we have something in common."  
The only thing Eren could think of was killing titans, which was really obvious so it probably wasn't that. He watched Levi pace back and forth quickly for a few seconds. Finally he stopped in front of Eren and fixed him with a glare.

"I also transform," he said.

The words echoed through Eren's brain, and only on the third pass did they start making any kind of sense.

Transform. _Corporal Levi transformed_.

Before he could even think of all the reasons why it was suicidal, he grabbed him by the shoulders, almost shaking him, staring into his eyes, looking for some hint that this was a lie, a joke.

"_You're_ a titan shifter?" It was perfect, it made so much sense – that was why the corporal had vouched for him, that was how the corporal knew to ask all those questions – if _Corporal Levi_was a shifter, that meant it was _okay_, Eren would get it under control and he'd be fine, he wasn't alone, not the only one. He could never be ashamed of being like the corporal.

"No," Levi stated, and Eren had hardly realized how powerful hope was until it crashed at his feet, leaving him empty. "I'm… don't look like that, Eren. I don't even know what the fuck I am. At least _you_make sense."

Eren searched his eyes again. What could Levi possibly become that made _less sense_ than suddenly turning into a titan?

Levi shook Eren's hands off his shoulders and took a step back. "I'll show you."

He pulled a knife out of his boot, and carefully pricked his thumb with it (so familiar, Eren had almost expected him to bite, but now that he thought about it, no way Levi would do something so unsanitary). There was a blast of heat and displaced air, a tiny crackle of lightning and clouds of smoke, and Eren felt the familiar spike of adrenaline telling him to prepare for titans.

But no titan appeared. Instead, two huge black somethings burst out of Levi's back, dark against the night sky, the lantern light reflecting liquidly off of them. Levi shook them out and Eren realized he was looking at _wings_, two dark wings attached to the corporal's shoulders.

_Of course, of course I turn into a hulking titan and he gets to turn into a-_

"You're an _ange-_" he blurted, before one wing smacked him on the side of the head, making him stumble.

"Don't even start," Levi growled, huffing. The wings huffed as well, returning to their position behind his back and hunching, the feathers fluffing out. They managed to make Levi look twice as annoyed as usual, which was an amazing achievement.

"But they're so prett-" This time he managed to cut himself off and dodge before he could absorb another hit.

"Are you finished?"

Eren couldn't help a grin, and nodded. Corporal Levi had _wings_. Which led to the obvious question…

"Can you fly?"

The corporal snorted. "They'd be bloody useless if I _couldn't._"

Eren could hardly tear his eyes away from the wings, watching how they kept shifting minutely, reflecting Levi's movements. "How strong are they? Can you carry someone?"

"You're what, sixty something kilos?" Levi narrowed his eyes, shrugged, and suddenly looked almost evil. He stalked towards Eren, wings half spread, close enough that Eren started backing away towards the edge of the roof. Eren had an inkling of what was coming, but couldn't wrap his mind around it.

"What are you…"

The ramparts were already at Eren's back. He had nowhere to run. Levi grabbed him by the waist straps of his maneuver gear and hoisted.

"N-no wait I really don't-

"Legs around my waist, arms around my shoulders," was all Levi said, before there was a sudden sickening lurch and the ground was gone from beneath Eren's feet. Eren let out a shriek he would never admit to and clung to the corporal's torso in panic. Everything was heaving madly around him, there was wind in his hair and his ears, and he dimly heard Levi's voice telling him to keep his mouth closed lest he bite his tongue.

It was nothing like 3DMG-controlled flight. Actually , it was nothing like any form of flight where Eren was in control, because right now he could do nothing but hold on with a death grip and pray reality didn't choose this moment to reassert itself and realize that people were _not supposed to fly_. He jerked and lurched with every wingbeat, his arms and legs clamped around the corporal for dear life, buried his face somewhere in the corporal's neck and wished it would _end_.

It took him a few seconds to realize that the lurching had solidified into a steady wind against him, and he could hear Levi's voice vibrating against his skin. One of Levi's arms was supporting his back, steadying him, and Eren's panic receded enough to realize that he was wrapped around the corporal, and with the ground so far away there was absolutely nothing he could do about it.

"Tch, what a waste bringing you up here. You're not going to look?"

Eren gulped and tightened his arms. They were moving pretty steadily now, Levi coasting, only beating his wings every so often, making the flight much smoother. Up here, the air was actually kind of warm, though it had been freezing at first.

He hadn't made it this far in life by being a coward. Making sure his arms and legs were still clamped tight, he carefully twisted his head to look around. The moon was large tonight, illuminating the ground beneath him, which was… farther away than Eren wanted to think about. He could see little pinpoints of light here and there, clustered in groups, bright against the dark ground. Further, he could see the blotch of Wall Sina, enclosing a much larger constellation of lights. In the other direction, towards Wall Maria, there was darkness where once had been people's homes.  
Above him the sky stretched impossibly large, the stars closer than ever. He felt suspended between two skies, stars above and below. From this height, humanity's vaunted walls seemed tiny, insignificant, nothing more than the cage he had always known them to be, the small islands of civilization impossibly small and fragile. He strained his eyes towards Wall Maria, trying to see what lay beyond them, but it was too dark to see much. If only it had been daylight!

Neck starting to hurt with the effort of all that twisting, Eren looked back up, realizing suddenly just how _close_ the two of them were. Levi looked down at him, his breath brushing Eren's face at this distance.

"Arms okay?" Levi shouted, the wind tearing at his words.

Eren nodded furiously. He _was_starting to feel the strain, but now that he had gotten used to the feeling of flying, he never wanted to land. And Levi could do this whenever he wanted… could leave the walls… how far had he gone? Had he seen the sea? The questions ate at him.

And all Eren got to turn into was a fucking _titan_.

"Should have hooked your harness to mine," Levi said. "But that would have ruined the surprise. You've got some lungs on you."

Eren huffed in embarrassment, then twisted around to watch the view again. Levi did another sweep, circling widely over the area of Wall Rose, before deciding it was time to give Eren another heart attack.

"Hold on," he said, his tone of voice not even hinting that he was about to _go into a fucking dive._

Eren couldn't see for wind in his eyes, his ears popped furiously, and he was pretty sure that he was screaming bloody murder because they were just _falling towards the ground_ and Levi showed no sign of slowing down- he could do nothing but hold on as tightly as possible, and pray, eyes clenched shut so he wouldn't have to watch his demise nearing.

"-my ears are dead," Levi was saying. "I guess I'll have an excuse not to listen to Erwin anymore. Oi, brat, you can let go now."

It took Eren a few terrified seconds to realize that they weren't moving anymore, he was upright once again, and they appeared to be standing on solid ground, back on the roof where they had started. His arms and legs felt cramped into position around Levi; he didn't think he could let go even if he wanted to.

Levi gave him a few ungentle pokes, and Eren managed to untangle himself, wobbling unsteadily. He staggered, his legs like jelly, before managing to straighten up. A long stretch popped his back into place, while his heart rate slowly pounded its way back to normal.

He looked over at Levi, who shook out his wings, stretched his arms and neck, and looked more at peace than Eren had ever seen him. The wings really suited him.

"Let's do that again!" Eren blurted, grinning wildly. Next time he was _definitely_ bringing some hooks for their harnesses, so he could watch properly – maybe a pair of binoculars – and they definitely had to do it during the day –

"You're as bad as the rest of them," Levi sighed.

"How far have you flown? You've flown outside the walls, right? Have you seen the mountains? The sea?" Eren suddenly paused, sheer possibility making his breath catch. "_Can you fly to Shiganshina?_"

"It's infested with titans. I could make it there with you, but the two of us could never fight our way out. Erwin has me on long-distance flight and weight training, but I don't think I could carry you there, fight, and get us back safely." He shrugged helplessly, the wings rippling with it, and Eren recognized the tightness in his voice as frustration. "We thought of ferrying people to the tops of the walls one by one, but that would take _days_, and I'd be a wreck. If anything went wrong, I'd never be able to get everyone out, either. And you're not fast enough in your titan form to get all the way across to safety. Even Erwin hasn't been able to figure anything out yet. There's just one of me."

"What about your family?"

"I never knew them."

Levi took a step forward, swallowed. He fixed his eyes on Eren's, and when he spoke, there was something delicate in his voice. "Your father – he's the one who told you to look in your basement. Did he ever… say anything about somebody like me?"

Eren wracked his brains, trying to come up with the least mention, a memory, _something_ to give Levi, who was looking at him with guarded hope in his eyes. He thought of living his life different from everybody else, not knowing where he had come from, not having even a hope for an answer hidden away somewhere, not even a key. _Anything…_

"Sorry," he finally said unhappily, but rushed on, before Levi could turn away. "But my memories aren't complete – maybe there's something in my basement for you, too! Maybe I just don't remember…"

"Whatever," Levi sighed. "It doesn't matter. Figuring you out is more important anyway. We're not being attacked by winged people now, are we. It's not a priority."

"I'm sorry," Eren said desperately.

"Forget it."

The walls were coming up between them again, and Eren didn't want that. He wanted to see more of who the corporal really was, the man he had caught a glimpse of in that moment of vulnerability. Even if they weren't the same, there were so many similarities, he wanted so badly to be able to talk to somebody who knew what it was like to go through this.

"I'll find your answers!" he said fervently. "I'll look everywhere, if it's not in my basement it's got to be somewhere!"

Levi's expression softened, a soft snort escaping him. He shook his head, as if to clear it, and when he looked back at Eren, he was more the corporal and less Levi, but not completely closed off.

"Come on, Eren, help me get rid of these things. I want dinner." Levi turned around, presenting Eren with his back. Eren watched curiously, his eyes following the line of soft feathers to where they seemed to fuse with Levi's green cloak.

"How do they connect?" he asked, reaching daringly to tug at the fabric, trying to find some kind of hole or tear. The wings, which burst out on either side of the Survey Corps emblem, twitched around him, and Levi shifted from foot to foot. When he spoke, his voice was a bit higher than usual.

"Same way you fuse with your titan form. Doesn't make any fucking sense, but it works around clothes and even maneuver gear. Here." He tossed Eren the knife from his boot, and stretched out his left wing. Eren closed his fingers around the hilt, uncomfortable with where this was going.

"Well?" Levi said. "Chop it off, I don't have all night."

"But…"

"That's an order."

Eren gulped. Gingerly, he closed his left hand around the thick upper muscle of the wing to steady it, and was surprised at how soft the feathers were. His fingers sank into them, the soft spines tickling from every angle. He couldn't help giving it a quick stroke, straightening the feathers and aligning the ones out of place, before taking a firm grip, and bringing his right hand around with the knife, steeling himself to cut off near the shoulder.

Levi's breath hitched around a small noise, and Eren nearly dropped the knife.

"Get _on_ with it," Levi said, his muscles shifting beneath the feathers against Eren's palm.

It was sacrilege, to cut off such beauty, Eren thought, and couldn't resist another pass of his fingers along the dark feathers.

"Quit _petting_, godfuckingdamnit," Levi gasped.

"Does it hurt?" Eren immediately let go.

"_No_, it's just sensitive, will you hack off the damn things already?"

"Does it feel good?" Eren returned his hand, sliding his fingers under the larger feathers, scratching very gently with the tips of his fingers. This time the moan was audible.

Levi jerked forward, snapping his wings up and out, away from Eren's hands. "Yeager, you _stop feeling up my wings this fucking instant_, or you will be cleaning the latrines with a toothbrush for the next six months."

Eren gulped. "Sorry, sir," he said, trying to keep the grin out of his voice. "But sir, doesn't it hurt to have them chopped off? Why not let them just dissolve?"

The wings returned to their semi-folded position against Levi's back, and he looked over his shoulder at Eren. "It hurts, but I can't walk around the base like this now, can I?"

"Doesn't the rest of the squad know?" Eren cajoled. "You look so _happy_ with them out."

"Shut the fuck up, Yeager," Levi growled, and ruffled his feathers. It just made Eren want to keep talking, seeing how expressive they were, wondering how else they would respond. (For that matter, he wanted to touch them again, hear that small sound in the back of Levi's throat, but now wasn't the time).

"Please, sir. Don't make me cut them off." He _couldn't_ cut off Corporal Levi's wings.

When Levi whirled around to glare at him, Eren kept up his best hopeful face, and gingerly held out the knife.

"Fucking insubordinate wretch," Levi groaned, snatching the knife back. "You squeamish imbecile, Erwin put you up to this, didn't he? The way all of you get off on watching these things flap is just fucking _disturbed_, I don't see any of you drooling over _birds_ day in day out, Petra wouldn't chop them off either – don't you know they fucking grow back _every time_?" He took a deep breath to huff out, curled his lip at Eren and stormed off towards the door, leaving Eren to trail after him.

Levi grumbled under his breath all the way down the stairs, and managed to smack Eren in the face with his wingtips a few times, definitely on purpose. Apparently not everybody in the entire Corps was privy to the secret, because Levi took them on a roundabout route to their squad's small mess hall, avoiding the more populated areas of the castle. Eren found himself looking around nervously, worried that he had put the corporal in danger. Surely, though, if it truly wasn't safe to walk around base like this, he would have insisted, right?

When they reached the mess hall, Levi kicked the doors open with a bang and stalked in, drawing all eyes to him, and a loud "oooh" of excitement. Eren, right behind him, saw the way everybody glanced, then looked again, their eyes lighting up in a positively scary way. The Survey Corps were a collection of freaks, no question.

Levi grabbed a chair and sat down on it backwards, plonking his plate onto the table, an expression of long-suffering on his face as everybody flocked around.

"You talked to him!" the commander said, a bright smile on his face. "How'd it go?"

"Bastard wouldn't cut 'em off," Levi grumbled.

"And well he shouldn't!" Petra said. "You should be _proud_ of your wings!"

Eren grabbed some leftover food and sat down, noticing how Petra wasn't the only one to immediately start petting the wings, despite how Levi kept flicking them irritably out of the way.

"I trust you understand the situation," Erwin said, fixing Eren with a look that somehow lost a good chunk of intensity when one of his hands was stroking Levi's distractingly pretty feathers. Eren nodded quickly.

He opened his mouth to say something serious and intelligent, but what came out was, "He took me _flying_." Everyone's attention was immediately arrested.

"Ooh, you'll take me later, won't you?" Petra said. Levi kept his eyes on his plate.

"Lucky," sighed Gunter. "I never get to go."

"You're too heavy," said Auruo archly (and Eren tried to erase the mental image of Auruo with his legs wrapped around Levi's waist, because that was _weird_).

"The commander got to!"

"It was only the once," said Erwin, "and not exactly for pleasure."

"He dragged your ass out of a titan's mouth," said Mike. Erwin chuckled, not even embarrassed.

"And nearly lost my wings because of this fucker's weight," Levi ground out. "Took my back a week to recover. I think both my arms popped out of their sockets. Next time you decide to go diving in a titan's stomach, I'm going to _let_ you."

"I cherish the memory," said Erwin.

"And lord it over the rest of us landbound suckers," Mike sighed.

Erwin poked Levi in the nearest wing. "You milked that injury for all it was worth, if I recall. Breakfast in bed every day, was it?"

"I fucking _deserved_ it."

For all that he complained, Eren thought, Levi put up with their doting rather well. In fact, Eren had the suspicion that he liked it, having his teammates embrace even this strange, nonhuman part of him. He thought of what it would be like to have his friends _enjoying_ his titan form, rather than considering it just something horrible to be feared, or at best, tolerated. Perhaps, when he got full control, Mikasa and Armin could be persuaded to ride on his shoulders? The view from there couldn't compare to Levi's flight but it would certainly be nice enough.

"Look how smug Eren is," Petra said, making Eren take another hurried bite and try to neutralize his expression. "It must have been fun. But don't get used to it, Levi's really stingy. Maybe you can trade him for titan rides, though."

Levi rolled his eyes, but didn't outright refuse. Though, why Levi would want to ride a titan when he could _fly_ was beyond Eren.

"If he ever gets control of that beast of his," the corporal responded.

"You'll help me, though, right, sir?"

Levi met his gaze for a moment, then nodded. "I don't know how similar our situations are, but we'll see."

Eren's reply was forestalled by the sound of rapid pounding. The doors of the mess hall were suddenly thrown open with a bang, and Hange appeared.

"Levi!" she crowed. "You've got the wings out and you didn't _tell_ me? How _could_ you?" She swooped down on him and managed to wrap her arms around one of the wings, while Levi cursed and tried to dodge.

"Because you react like _this_ every time!"

Their brief scuffle ended with Levi sitting on the floor, staring off into the distance and pointedly ignoring the way Hange was playing with his wings. Eren considered joining in again, but it was probably a bit dangerous; he was the only one in the room Levi could threaten with latrine cleaning duty, after all.

The Survey Corps was _weird_, but as Eren watched them together, close as family, he found himself proud to be one of them. Even though they still didn't quite trust him, if they could accept Levi's wings, they would certainly learn to accept Eren's own transformation one day – and so would his own teammates.

* * *

_Originally a kinkmeme fill, now a multiparter... I hope you enjoyed!_


	2. Fight or Flight

_So this fic is really going to be a series of linked oneshots happening in this 'verse. This installment is post-57th expedition of the Survey Corps (and as such, contains **spoilers**). Also quite a bit more angsty than the previous... I hope you enjoy anyway! _

* * *

The old Survey Corps fortress felt like a mausoleum. Eren slunk through empty corridors, past empty-eyed people, and everywhere he turned was the spectre of someone who wouldn't be returning. He hadn't realized how many memories he had managed to accumulate in such a short time, and how much they would hurt.

Nobody cared what he did anymore. Levi's squad was decimated, Levi himself was wounded and secreted away somewhere, and Eren was left alone. He would have thought it would make him feel free, not having any minders, but instead he found himself constantly looking over his shoulder, wishing for somebody to tell him what to do, where to be. Or just to glare at him suspiciously, let him know that _they were watching._

Nothing was keeping him from searching out his friends, either, technically, but he found himself reluctant. He knew he wasn't supposed to, and meeting them would lead to questions he didn't want to address.

He had had enough disobeying orders, for now.

Instead, he cleaned. Levi would be furious when he recovered, if he found the fortress dirty. In some small way, it made him feel closer to the corporal. At night, sometimes, he dreamed that Levi was dead and nobody would tell him, dreamed of entering Levi's hospital room to find a coffin emblazoned with a pair of wings.

Every morning for three days he paced outside of the commander's office, waiting to hear how Levi was doing, until finally on the fourth day the commander relented.

"Here." He scrawled something on a piece of paper and handed it to Eren. "He's in the south wing, third floor. The guards will let you in." The commander fixed him with a sharp look. "Maybe he'll talk to you."

Eren gulped. "Thank you, sir!" Clutching the paper tightly he rushed off, before the commander could change his mind. Guards? Levi wasn't talking? What was going on?  
Was Levi being blamed for Eren's decision to transform? Eren's stomach turned, and he upped his pace.

The south wing, third floor seemed to be deserted but for one door, which had two scouts posted as guards – Levi's room.

"Get out of here, kid," one of the scouts told him, glaring, a hand twitching towards his blades. "The corporal's not taking visitors."

"I have a letter from Commander Erwin," Eren said quickly, holding it out. The other guard snatched it and scanned it suspiciously, then showed it to her partner. Immediately they both relaxed, and gave him worried smiles.

"Go ahead, then," the first one said. "We're just here to keep away people who don't know. Can't risk him."

"Know? About the wi-"

"Ssh!"

The woman unlocked the door, and ushered Eren in.

It was immediately obvious why Levi wasn't in the hospital wing with everybody else. He sat in the middle of the room on a huge bed, propped up with a veritable pile of pillows at his back, his wings spread out like dark shadows on either side.

Though the door was locked, the room had a large window leading out to a small balcony – large enough for Levi to escape through, should he need to. But right now flight seemed like the last thing on Levi's mind.

He sat slumped, his shoulders bowed, gaze in his lap, his wings drooping on either side of him and set at an awkward angle. The wings were a mess, feathers bent and out of place, clearly not being taken care of properly, a reflection of Levi's own disheveled self. Gloom hung in the room like a curtain, despite the sunlight flooding in from the window.

Eren advanced slowly, trying to keep his footsteps soft. "Corporal Levi?" he said. There was no response, not even a twitch. Next to his bed sat an abandoned chair, which Eren tugged over and sat down. He couldn't help but feel like he wasn't the right person to occupy it.  
But there wasn't anybody else, he reminded himself harshly. Because they had all died.

"I'm sorry," he said into the silence. "If I hadn't-"

"Shut the fuck up," Levi said. The words were flat.

"I should have done it earlier," Eren insisted, unable to keep the words in any longer. "I could have-"

"I said shut up." Levi wouldn't even look at him. "You couldn't have known what would happen. You did what you thought was right. Go away, Eren. I don't have patience for your pity party right now."

Eren swallowed, helpless anger burning under his skin. "The only one having a pity party is _you_," he snarled. "Maybe if you had transformed and we fought together-"

Levi flinched, and Eren managed to swallow the rest of the sentence. _Stupid, stupid-_

"Sorry," he said in a tiny voice. "I didn't mean that."

"Yes, you did," Levi said. "You're saying it like I haven't thought of that. And I'm telling you to shut the fuck up, Eren, because you're a fucking shitty kid who doesn't understand what he's talking about. No better than that stupid sister of yours."

"Don't talk about Mikasa like that," Eren snarled.

"Why are you even here?" Levi sighed, his wings drooping further. "Go away, Eren. Just get the fuck out of my sight."

Levi hadn't looked at him once the whole time. "I'm-" Eren began hotly, and deflated. "I wanted to see how you were. I wanted to, to… comfort you…" he trailed off, red-faced.

"Great job," Levi said.

Eren couldn't help the angry tears that welled up, and swiped at them.

"Why didn't you?" he asked. "If you say that my decision was right, regardless of consequences, shouldn't yours be, too? If I shouldn't blame myself, neither should you."

Levi looked at him then, head jerking around. His face was a mess, burning eyes above sunken cheeks, stubble on his chin, his hair in disarray.

"If I had your power, I would have saved them," he snarled. Eren shrank back. "But what do I have? These stupid, useless _things_." He jerked his wings for emphasis. "I heard about what happened in Trost, how you transformed to save your friends. If it were me, you know what would have happened?"

His eyes bored into Eren's, who couldn't look away.

"I can't lift more than one person at once. I would have had to choose."

Eren thought of having to choose between Mikasa and Armin and knowing that there was nothing-

"These aren't wings of freedom," Levi said, throwing the words carelessly. "They're wings of cowardice. You know why my wings come out when I'm wounded?"

Eren shook his head, mouth dry.

"So I can escape. I'm sitting here now, with this fucking leg, and all I can think about is getting _away_. Do you know what my standing orders are? To flee a lost battle. Do you know how many battlefields I've been the only survivor of because I can run away? You think I'm so brave. It's so _easy_ going into battle knowing that I can escape. When the walls are down and humanity is dead, I'll hover above everything, safe and sound. I hate these shitty wings. But every time I chop them off, they always come back." He pulled up his good leg, buried his face in his knee. "I'm not humanity's greatest soldier. I'm humanity's greatest coward."

He lifted his head, his eyes bloodshot. "So now you have the truth, Eren. You can go. Don't come back."

"You mean," Eren said, his head spinning, "out of all of us, you're the _only one_ who doesn't have to fight, and you're doing it anyway? You could leave all this! You don't even have to be here! No wonder you hate everyone in Sina," he breathed. "Look at what they're doing with their lives, and look at you." Eren grabbed him by the shoulder and forced him to look up. "Coward? _Coward_? Even I know bullshit when I hear it! Corporal Levi, do you think there's _anybody within these walls,_ that if they had safety promised them, wouldn't take it?"

Eren felt himself curling in shame at his own lack of discipline, his lack of skill. His orders had been simple – _don't transform_, and he hadn't been able to follow them – imagine having to follow an order to run away, time after time… Eren knew with a certainty that he could never do it. And here was Levi, sticking to his orders year after year, hating himself but continuing to fight nonetheless.

With the way Levi was staring at him, vulnerable and wide-eyed, Eren had the feeling that nobody had ever said this to him, or even understood what he was going through. He shifted uncomfortably, starting to feel nervous, and completely incapable of shouldering this burden.

Looked like it was too late. He was going to have to see it through.

Eren tightened his grip on the corporal's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Corporal," he said. "If you thought I was going to despise you, you'll have to try harder. I still think you're amazing."

"I-"

"I'm glad," Eren said. "Now I know that even if I die, even if we _all_ die, you'll be here to remember us, and avenge us. Isn't that what you always promise?"

"You think that's what I _want_?" Levi whispered. "I'd rather die with you."

"That's what makes you the bravest."

Levi's face crumpled and he looked away. Some part of Eren was screaming in panic, deep inside, because he was _not prepared_ to deal with a crying Corporal Levi.

But Levi didn't cry, just twisted up his face and shuddered, which was almost worse. Eren patted his shoulder awkwardly, and tried to look anywhere but at his pained expression. His eyes alighted on the wings, shaking as well, and the forlorn state of their feathers. They must have been out for days to have reached this state, he thought. Very gently, he let go of Levi's shoulder and ran his fingertips over the arch of one wing, stroking the feathers.

"Look at your poor wings," Eren said softly. "Petra, Erd, Auruo, and Gunter… they loved these wings. They wouldn't want to see them like this." Carefully, he started straightening the silky feathers, smoothing their barbs out and realigning them. In this light, he could see that they were far from being pitch black. Glints of blue and purple were visible, catching sunlight at different angles. Levi buried his head in his knee again, shuddering.

He didn't know if this was what he was supposed to be doing. He didn't know if he was being helpful at all, because in the past Levi had been kind of reluctant to have his wings petted. But he wasn't fighting it now, not even putting on a show of resistance. Eren didn't know if that was because he wanted it, or because he was too tired to fight anymore. He sincerely hoped the former.

Now that he'd started, he didn't know what to do but continue, lavishing attention on the dark feathers while Levi made occasional choked sounds. He was cooperating now, though, spreading his wing to give Eren easier access, tilting it when Eren tugged.

He didn't know how long he kept going. At some point his hands cramped and ached, his back hurt, and the expanse of wing was just so _huge_that he didn't think he could do all of it. The corporal had quieted, just shivering beneath Eren's touch.

He wanted Levi to _wake up_, to give him an order, take the situation out of Eren's hands. It should be Erwin in here, or maybe Hange… But no, this was something only he could give Levi, because he was a shifter, too. He knew what it was like to hate what you could become, yet be forced to recognize it as part of yourself. Levi might not be a titan shifter, but as of now, he was the only shifter Eren knew he could believe in, and would follow. Levi had chosen the right side, the side Eren wanted to be on.

Levi slumped forward, his head dipping, and Eren realized he had fallen asleep. Even now, the lines on his face cut deep, showing he wasn't truly at rest. Carefully, Eren leaned him back against the pillows, tugging his wings to what seemed like a reasonably comfortable angle. It was warm, but not enough to be completely uncovered, so Eren rearranged the cotton sheet on Levi's lap, untangled it from his legs. Giving the sheet one last pat, Eren turned to go.

"Wait," Levi mumbled. His eyes were open again, two exhausted slits. "Don't go, Eren. I… I need… I'm so tired… fucking wings…"

"Of course." Eren sat back down, heart fluttering, then carefully reached to take Levi's hand from where it lay on the bed. Levi wanted something more, but what was it? Eren thought furiously. Something about the wings, which weren't dissolving, despite the strain on Levi… the wings which were a defense mechanism, a means of escape. "You're safe," he said, infusing his voice with conviction. "I promise. I won't let anything touch you."

Levi let out a shuddering breath, seeming to fight an internal battle.

"If you want," Eren continued, "I'll turn titan for you. Nobody will get past me."

That… did something, because Levi relaxed, and huffed what could be a laugh. "This is enough," he said. He shuddered again, closed his eyes, and let out a sob as the wings began dissolving into steam. It was hot enough to burn, but Eren clung to his hand, gritted his teeth against the pain. Any burns would soon heal.

Then it was over, the wings were gone, leaving Levi impossibly small and drowning in the large bed without their bulk on either side of him. Levi slumped again, this time with relief. With the hand that wasn't holding the corporal's, Eren pushed most of the pile of pillows out of the way so he could lie down comfortably.

Levi was fast asleep almost before he was prone. The hand in Eren's relaxed, but Eren kept his hold, and kept his vigil. He had promised Levi to keep him safe, to carry the burden of those who were no longer by his side.


	3. Alone in the World

_Thanks for all the kind comments! So **this chapter actually is a prequel, happening before the previous two**, and going more into Levi's background in the Corps. The more I think about the 'verse the more I want to fill in some holes... I've already had people asking about how he discovered the wings / the scene where Erwin discovers, so I'll probably write something for that next ^^_

_No real anime/manga spoilers in this one, though it's also not really the happiest story... _

* * *

"I look ridiculous," Levi said again. He had mentioned this fact five times in the last five minutes, and neither Erwin nor Hange were taking him seriously. Hange kept on fussing with the buckles on his harness, as if there was some way to make a week's worth of food and ten litres of water both aerodynamic and comfortable.

She had obviously gone for aerodynamic, because it felt like he was wearing a burlap sack full of potatoes. He decided to change his tactic.

"You realize if I'm attacked there's no way I can do anything. There isn't even any point in taking the blades. Look," he tried to lower his hand to where they were strapped to his hips, and could barely brush his fingertips along them. The bulk of stuff around his stomach got in the way. "I look like I have a paunch," he muttered.

"You look as fit as ever. I will remind you that the purpose of this mission is to _avoid_ titans," Erwin said, because Erwin had no sense of humor. "By flying as far above them as you possibly can. Though, perhaps you should take note of whether your current getup will distract them and thus give you an advantage in battle. I'm sure Hange would love to know."

Correction, Erwin had a shitty sense of humor. Levi shot him a dirty look, and got a bland smile in response.

"Definitely!" Hange said. "But I'll have you know that this is brilliant. Look, I set it up so you can drink midair, and even replace the empty water skins with full ones – and here," she tugged on one of the flaps of a pouch near his belly, "I've got you set up for a whole days' rations so you can eat in flight."

"Great," Levi said. "And if I need to piss?"

There was a moment of silence.

"It's not like there are people out there!" Hange said brightly. "Birds have no problem excreting mid-flight-"

"Ew, Hange. Forget it, I'll manage."

"And tell me all about it later!" She was back to being chipper.

Erwin cleared his throat, pretending he wasn't amused by them. Levi could see the smile he was fighting. "Remember, I want you to fly out no more than three days. This is purely reconnaissance. Try to get further than we've managed to go on horseback – but that shouldn't be too difficult for you. Ration carefully. Map to the best of your ability."

Yeah, yeah. Nothing different from the previous briefings Levi had gotten. Erwin was obviously taking this trip very hard.

"No unnecessary risks," Erwin added. "I want you back safely."

Levi nodded.

"Aww," Hange said, obnoxious as usual.

Looked like Levi was as ready as he would ever be. He stepped away from them, pulled out a pocketknife, and had to remind himself that it was okay, Erwin and Hange knew his secret. For so many years he hadn't transformed in front of anybody else, he felt exposed doing it now.

Decisively, he slashed the knife across his palm in a shallow cut, and released a breath as the wings exploded from his back. No matter how much he tried, he could never keep his eyes open for that first second, like how it's impossible to keep eyes open while sneezing. The wings should be heavy, he knew, their sheer size dwarfing him easily (not that it was too difficult… dammit). Walking carrying that weight should be a physical impossibility, but somehow he always felt lighter with the wings out, as if he could just float away any instant. He gave each one an experimental flap, shaking out their kinks. A part of his mind tickled to life, as if it had always been there, as if controlling two huge extra limbs was the most natural thing in the world.

He opened his eyes – and nearly jerked backwards in surprise. Hange's face was centimeters from his, curious eyes peering into his own.

"Amazing!" she said. "Your eyes really _are_ different – there's some kind of film covering them, it's better than goggles! Do you notice that your eyesight improves, too? Oh!" She suddenly clapped in front of his eyes, then crowed with delight. "You're not even blinking, even though your eyelids are still there! So awesome!"

Levi shifted away. He didn't like all the reminders of how _different_ he truly was. Most people considered his wings attractive, but his unblinking stare was another story. Of course he _could_ close his eyes, but it wasn't instinctive in the way blinking was.

"Are you ready to go?" Erwin's voice drew his attention. Of course Erwin wasn't fawning over him the way Hange was, but Levi could see his hands twitching. Erwin wanted to touch his wings. Did people not register that they were _part of him_? They didn't go around petting people's arms now, did they?

"Yes, sir," Levi said, and had to quash a sudden, familiar flare of resentment. The wings were _his_, his freedom, how dare Erwin take possession of them? He had mostly-willingly pledged his life, the skills Erwin had trained into him, but _how dare Erwin commandeer his wings?_He might have lived in terror of discovery before, but at least they belonged to him alone, and the choice when and how to use them was nobody else's.

Once again, Levi wished bitterly he had never revealed himself, recalled the first days in the Corps when he would sneak away to take to the skies, with nobody the wiser. If only it hadn't been Erwin's life on the line—

Levi swallowed, returned to the present. He bundled up the anger, the resentment, that wild part of him that only came out when he released his wings, and pushed it deep into his soul, leaving nothing but the obedient soldier he was.

He brushed past Erwin while walking towards the edge of the wall – and yeah, Erwin copped a feel of his right wing as he passed by. The sun was on his right, not yet peeking over the horizon, the sky a washed-out mess of the blues and pinks of predawn. Ahead of him was endless, open sky. His heart sped up, beating a rapid tattoo against his chest.

Erwin was speaking, but Levi hardly noticed, he could think of nothing but the sky ahead. He spread his wings and leapt, catching the air easily, taking only a few strokes to rise high above the earth. The air was cool and comfortable, the sun warm on the side of his face. Beneath him the ground rushed by, trees shrinking, titans becoming insignificant.

Titans… he made a sound of annoyance and raised his head, towards the horizon where he wouldn't have to look at them, and only then remembered that he hadn't looked back at the walls even once.

Whatever. At the moment, what lay ahead was far more interesting than what lay behind… he beat his wings and caught an updraft, and – ah, there it was, a nice current in the right direction. He locked his wings in a soar, thankful his body was capable of it, and settled down for a long flight.

Since flying demanded about as much concentration as walking (that is, very little), Levi watched the scenery and let his thoughts roam. Erwin wanted reconnaissance, but the true meaning of this exercise was much deeper. Levi was going to go further from the walls than any human had been in a hundred years. Aside from general mapping, the question that burned the most was what was out there. Were there more walls? More pockets of humanity? Was there some place free of titans?

For Levi, the questions were different: since there were obviously no others like him within the walls, might his answer be found outside them? Who was he? Where had he come from?

A strange, bubbly feeling kept squirming around inside of him, building up energy that had nowhere to go. He wanted to shout, he wanted to fly as fast as he could, wanted to dive – well, why not? Yeah, it was a waste of energy, but Erwin wasn't here to complain, was he?

Levi folded his wings and fell, wind screaming past, then pulled up just before the ground and arched back up into the sky with a cry of triumph. The hell was wrong with him? He hadn't felt like this in… in…

It was like the determination to learn something new, some kind of intense curiosity, only he felt… happy at the same time. So weird.

Levi soared higher. He was following a huge river now – there was a waterfall, tiny rainbows visible even from up here, and the river was winding its way into a huge forest, bigger than anything he had ever seen before, stretching off in all directions. Mountains, rivers, forests – they had those inside the walls, but that – that huge… pond, it was probably the size of Sina! And there, on its edge – the ruins of a city!

Excitement, Levi thought. That's what he was feeling.

* * *

Every time he was outside, Erwin found himself watching the sky. He tried to be subtle about it, keeping the glances short and seemingly casual, but had the feeling he wasn't doing a terribly good job. He could tell, because he started seeing other soldiers doing it as well – the ones who knew the secret. It was obvious that Erwin was expecting something from the sky, and by now everybody had heard that Levi was off on some assignment. It didn't take a genius to connect the two, if you had the missing piece.

Eight days. Eight days had passed, when Levi was supposed to return after six. Erwin told himself that it was normal. How many expeditions returned within their prescribed time? Delay was inevitable, natural. Nothing ever went as planned. Horses went lame, titans attacked-

Only Levi had no horse, and was supposed to stay away from titans, and how often did he send a single soldier out alone with no backup? But out of all the expeditions Erwin had planned, this one was supposed to be reasonably safe, unless Levi had encountered unexpected trouble along the way. Erwin had a sudden vision of Levi lying crumpled on the ground, burning with fever, limbs broken – he shook his head to clear it. He was the commander of the Survey Corps. He was beyond this sort of thing.

Levi was just two days late. Two days was nothing, in the long run, and he wouldn't appreciate Erwin driving himself to distraction with imaginary scenarios of horror.

Nonetheless, Erwin doubled the guards on the garrison's northern face, making sure there were watchers every hour of the day.

* * *

Two days had become two weeks, and not a hide, hair, or feather of Levi. For a week now Erwin had been putting off an expedition back into Wall Maria territory, an expedition he had intended his prize soldier to be on. He had gone without Levi before, but never unplanned, never forced by circumstance. For that matter, he had had plans for a small foray of select soldiers with Levi doing titan-lookout from the sky, which would have to be cancelled.

Erwin didn't like cancelling plans. He especially didn't like that Levi _should_ be here, but wasn't. He frowned down at the papers in front of him, a haphazard pile of maps and reports, in some places piled ten deep. His desk was a mess.

Levi hadn't harped on him to clean it in three weeks now.

Feeling a pang somewhere in his chest he started setting things straight – not because of Levi, he told himself, but because it was a disgrace to have his desk look like the aftermath of a battlefield.

He could almost hear Levi's derisive voice in his head – _battlefield? Don't flatter yourself, this barely qualifies as a midden heap_.

From his desk, Erwin moved on to the rest of the room. He straightened the small sofa and brushed the crumbs off of it, swept the floor, but gave up on shaking out the carpet. Levi wasn't here to complain about a job badly done.

For the first time, he forced himself to consider rationally that Levi might not be coming back. He wouldn't be the first soldier to do so, so why was the thought so… unpalatable? Was it because this _shouldn't_ have been a lethal mission and Erwin hated making mistakes like that? He might send his scouts to their deaths, but he always _knew_ he was doing it. To lose people unexpectedly showed lack of foresight, lack of regard for their lives. To have done that to Levi, of all people…

Was it that he felt possessive towards Levi, more than any other soldier, having worked so hard to coerce him into the Corps? Levi was his special project, his best soldier, and Erwin even took a small bit of credit for choices excellently made when he discovered Levi's hidden abilities.

Erwin sat down slowly, resting his chin on one hand. Ever since his secret had come out, Levi had opened up. He was still taciturn, but a far cry from the silent loner who had first joined the force. Erwin had enjoyed the bursts of emotion, the way he was slowly unraveling who Levi actually was, worming his way past Levi's defenses.

Levi had been –

Erwin's thoughts stopped cold. He wasn't going to think of Levi in past tense. Not yet. It had only been three weeks; Levi would yell at him if he found out that Erwin had given up on him so quickly.

He stood up and went back to his desk, pulling the plans for the upcoming mission to him with renewed vigor. The Corps would manage a mission without their strongest. Levi would return. Somebody would have to be put in charge of cleaning the barracks in the meantime, if Erwin didn't want to be greeted by an endless stream of complaints when that happened.

It was just a matter of time.

* * *

Two missions passed, six weeks came and went, and the questions were multiplying. Everybody noticed that Levi was gone, by now. Nobody had gone so far as to accost him, yet, but every so often he would meet Hange's reproachful eyes. Not just her, nowadays. Mike was giving him stoically sad looks, and he could hear the whispers in the hallway.

But what could he _do_? He couldn't send anybody to look for him. They wouldn't even know where to start. Even if he got on a horse and rode northward – how far had Levi even gotten? How far would he get before he succumbed to titans? Levi could be anywhere.

Even now, Erwin was standing on the north facing ramparts, watching the sun sink, eyes on the sky, straining for a glimpse of wings larger than any bird's. It had been six weeks. How much longer could he continue to deny the truth? He would have told anybody else to give up on false hope long ago; he should do no less.

Levi's not coming back, he told himself, rolling the words through his mind, through his heart. The words were painfully easy to accept, but awoke emotions he wasn't prepared for.

What had gone wrong? _Why_ had Levi vanished? What horror out there could possibly be enough to vanquish his best, his strongest soldier? Could he have anticipated this, was there something he hadn't done, some defense he hadn't provided?

Every expedition, he gazed over his troops and knew that many would not return, steeled his heart for the inevitable. He hadn't this time, had truly believed Levi would return safe and sound. If Levi could fly away from lost battlefields and carnage, why hadn't he returned now?  
He had wasted Levi's life on a fool's errand, and gained nothing. It wasn't the first time; it wouldn't be the last. But he had always believed fate had something more in store for Levi.

He had hoped to one day die in Levi's arms, to entrust his own wishes to the Corps' personal angel of vengeance.

Having deprived Levi of his life, it wasn't fair to deprive him of the grief he was due from his friends. Erwin's fingers tightened on the cold stone, and he whispered his apology. _Had I known you would not return, this is a mission I would not have sent you on. I would rather still have you by my side._  
Erwin allowed himself one last glance at the sky then deliberately turned his back. He would not return to the northern ramparts.

The mess hall was startlingly loud after the silence outside. Erwin considered keeping his announcement for the end of the meal, but after a few short bites realized he had no stomach for food anyway. He pushed the mystery meat around his plate for a few minutes, then stood up.

Silence spread in ripples, even though Erwin had done nothing but stand in his place. Lifting his head took effort, but he straightened his back, hands locked behind him.

"As many of you are aware," he began, "Squad Leader Levi has not been on base recently. Six weeks ago I sent him on a mission uniquely suited to his skills. He was supposed to have returned five weeks ago." Erwin lost his voice, then, realizing how transparent, how truly pathetic he was. He had waited _five weeks_ hoping for Levi's return, avoiding this announcement which would make his fears reality. He wouldn't have done this for any other soldier, and every single one of them knew it. Still, he plunged on. "From now on, Squad Leader Levi will officially be declared missing, presumed dead." Despite his attempts, his voice wavered on the last word. "He was the best of us all. He will be sorely missed. You may open as many casks of beer as you want."

Erwin found his throat dry and realized he had nothing more to say. Avoiding meeting anybody's eyes, he strode out of the mess hall, escaping the rustle of voices gaining volume. It was irregular, allowing alcohol for the death of only one soldier, but Levi wasn't just one. He was worth over a hundred of his fellows, had carried the hopes of victory on his shoulders. He deserved nothing less.

With no purpose or direction he wandered the halls until his feet brought him to a stop in front of the room Levi had shared with Mike. Without thinking, Erwin entered, his eyes immediately drawn to the neat, reserved side of the room that had been Levi's. Not a thing was out of place, his sparse personal effects all ordered neatly, bed made. Everything was covered with a fine film of dust that showed some signs of halfhearted cleaning – Mike must have tried to do something about it.

Erwin sat down on the bed, marring the sheets, but it didn't matter, because Levi would never complain about it again. Erwin's shadow was gone forever, with his nagging, his cursing, his godawful sense of humor, his beauty in battle. His wings.

A creak from the doorway registered at the back of his mind, but he didn't look up, not when he heard murmurs or the sounds of feet shuffling into the room, not until somebody pressed a large mug of beer into his hand.

Erwin accepted it from Mike, and looked up to find Hange close behind him. More people were filling the small room, Levi's squadmates, his hard-won friends. Automatically, Erwin's mind catalogued them as People Who Knew, every single one.

They started talking, sharing stories and memories. To be honest, Erwin hadn't known about half of them, hadn't known that so many held Levi_personally_ in such high regard, beyond his fame as humanity's strongest soldier. Another thing to torment his conscience with: allowing Levi to die alone, after he had finally found a place he belonged and people who accepted him unreservedly.

By the time his turn came along Erwin found that he had drained his mug without even noticing.

"On the day he left," Erwin began, having no idea where he was going with it, "he looked happy to be free to fly as far and as fast as he could. I never saw that expression on his face before. When he took to the sky, he didn't even look back at us. I think," he gulped, "I want to think that he found a place he doesn't want to return from. Given the freedom of the entire world, why would he cage himself in with us? Better he has chosen not to return."

And that, that was the most pathetic delusion of them all.

* * *

After every death, life continued. Erwin threw himself into work again, planning missions without Levi, perfecting the formation for movement within titan-infested territory that didn't rely on wings to lead them to safety.

Hange showed up every other day detailing wilder and wilder experiments, until the time she threw the papers to his office floor and burst into tears.

Mike came to his office occasionally, ostensibly to discuss maneuvers or training with him, but every single time he had something cutting to say about the state of disorder. Having lived with Levi, he obviously had heard the entire repertoire. Erwin wanted to beg him to stop, but couldn't bring himself to.

The three of them spent an evening packing up Levi's personal items, of which there were hardly enough to fill even one small box. A few knives, a smooth rock whose significance he didn't know, several pens of higher quality than the military issued, a pair of garnet cufflinks Erwin had never seen him wear, other odds and ends. By rights perhaps they should have divided it between them, but in the end they packed everything away and sealed the box. Part of Levi's maneuver gear would remain missing, since he had taken his blades with him.

What Erwin would have wanted, would have been willing to fight the others over, was a black feather. But Levi had left none behind.

* * *

Erwin was out of bed and pulling on his pants before he even registered that he was awake. Shouts echoed in the corridors over the rapid pounding of feet, and he jerked his door open almost before the breathless scout outside had a chance to bang more than once.

"Sir! We're under attack! On the roof of the western wing-"

He started running in that direction, the soldier pacing him while gasping out his message.

"Something came flying at us-"

Erwin's heart was suddenly doing double time, and he could hardly breathe for hope. West and not north, but surely only one thing would come flying.

"We shot it down, but you have to see it sir-"

Erwin lost a step, nearly fell. "You WHAT?" he roared, and was sprinting even faster, heedless of the pain of stone on his bare feet, of the mayhem in the corridors.

They had _shot him down_.

People were shouting but he didn't register anything, if he answered he didn't know it, language reduced to meaningless babble. He dodged around corners, pounded up stairs, and nearly bowled over somebody blocking the doorway out. The roof was lit with torches, most of them in the hands of soldiers who had gathered, musket-armed guards standing pointing their guns at-

"Levi," he groaned, his steps slowing. In the center of the ring of torchlight was a bloody heap, great black wings crumpled, the human attached to them hardly visible. Blood pooled everywhere, spreading out from under the wings, from under the head of dark hair, so much blood.

Levi had returned, to- to- If he lost Levi again—

Erwin knelt by his side, and there was movement, Levi was still alive, still breathing. Maybe by some miracle they had only hit his wings—

"Help me turn him over!" he shouted hoarsely, pulling futilely at the huge wings. They were light enough to lift easily, but he didn't want to risk doing more damage by moving them on his own. As it was something about their angle was off. Quick hands entered and left his field of vision, pulling the wings to the side so Levi's body was exposed, lying on his side, wings splayed out behind him. Several raw, gaping holes in them still bled heavily, steam rising from them sluggishly.

"Levi?"

His only answer was a groan. Levi's face was sunken, eyes bruised above prominent cheekbones that were dark with a scraggly beard. Erwin's eyes were drawn to the right side of his chest, where a thin trail of steam did nothing to obscure the growing stain of blood. A soft wet bubbling sound reached his ears, the sound of air escaping a punctured lung. Erwin pressed his hand against it, hoping it would be enough; he couldn't see Levi's back with the wings in the way, couldn't tell if the bullet had gone through or was still lodged somewhere in his chest.

"Get a doctor!" he shouted, in case it wasn't clear to everybody they needed a doctor _ten minutes ago_. Erwin's hands were slick with blood, but he didn't dare move them, focusing on nothing but keeping the hole in Levi's chest closed, keeping him breathing. How long Levi would survive with these wounds was a question Erwin didn't want to consider right now.

"Levi, look at me. Look at my face. Wake up, Levi, I need you to wake up." With his other hand, he tapped Levi's unwounded cheek with gentle insistence until Levi's eyes rolled open. They were unfocused, didn't track when Erwin moved fingers in front of them, but the light wasn't good enough to see if the pupils were dilated or not. If he had hit his head, on top of everything…

"Erwin." Mike was beside him, fully dressed and equipped. Erwin's eyes fell on the blades of his maneuver gear.

"Press the wound," he ordered. "I'm taking your blades."

Mike understood the situation immediately. His hand replaced Erwin's on Levi's chest, steadying him with the other, while Erwin drew his blade. He stepped over Levi carefully and stretched out one wing, gripping the muscle, and swung the blade down to sever it. He was prepared for the resistance of slicing flesh, but not for the scream that burst out of Levi's throat.

Erwin had been the one to chop off Levi's wings countless times, and Levi hadn't ever made a sound. Some part of him had always assumed that it didn't hurt much.

Still, the wings had to go if they wanted to treat him. The left wing was already dissolving into steam, its smell reminiscent of rotting titan, and Erwin leaned over to give similar treatment to the right one. Levi screamed again and then stilled, tiny against the size of the bloodstains around him. With the wing's evaporation a bullet fell to the ground, its exit wound visible on Levi's back. Mike immediately pulled Levi upright, pressing his other hand to the wound. Levi whimpered, and now Erwin could see that his right arm was hanging oddly, probably broken.

Where _was_ the doctor?

Though it felt like an eternity in reality a bare few minutes had passed since Erwin had shown up. He glanced towards the door, and remembered that they were surrounded by soldiers – at least twenty, probably more, and the way people had been running through the halls shouting probably half the base had heard some garbled story about Levi and wings by now.

He could easily tell who the culprits in charge of Levi's current condition were. They clutched their rifles in death grips, identical looks of horror on their faces. Logically Erwin knew they weren't to be blamed, but at the moment, he was tempted to throw every single one of them off the Wall.

More running footsteps heralded the doctor, jacket thrown on over her pajamas, medkit clutched in one hand (Gert, his mind supplied). Next to Mike she was almost as small as Levi, but elbowed him easily out of the way to get at her patient. She hesitated one telling moment at the sight of Levi's wounds, giving her head the slightest shake, before she began pulling out lengths of fabric and leather patches, wrapping them around Levi's torso with grim speed. Erwin helped, holding him upright, watching her face intently. She didn't need to say anything. Lung wounds were not usually survivable.

"Mike!" Erwin barked, not removing his eyes from Levi's face, which had returned to slack unconsciousness, "damage control!"

Erwin listened to Mike with half an ear, who was now gathering all the soldiers and scaring them into silent submission, but most of his attention remained on Levi. He helped Gert immobilize Levi's right hand and strap it to his stomach. She sat back with a sigh.

"That'll hold for now. We need to get him inside and clean out his wounds."

Erwin hefted Levi, lighter than he remembered, one arm behind his back and one under his knees. It was impossible to keep from pressing against his back, and Levi shuddered and whimpered. "My quarters," Erwin said, and headed indoors.

Levi was jolted awake a few times during the walk, and once mumbled some nonsense words. Erwin answered him anyway, keeping up a running litany of soft encouragement, telling him to hold on just a bit more, he was safe now. Erwin would protect him.

Aside from the obvious desire to keep Levi under watch, Erwin's rooms had the advantage of privacy and space, in case Levi's wings showed up again. It was a good call, because when the doctor undid his bandages in the light, to try and get a better idea of the extent of the damage (bad: the hole was large and ragged, worse than it had seemed in the comparative darkness of the roof), the wings suddenly appeared once more.

To her credit, though Gert hadn't known to expect them, she refrained from screaming or showing any untoward emotion. She didn't even react when Erwin went to chop the wings off again.

Levi reacted, struggling, breathing something that sounded like lo lo lo. He subsided when the wings dissolved, even paler than before, a sheen of sweat on his forehead. Erwin tightened his lips. The wings were stealing Levi's energy, robbing him of the precious strength he needed if there was any hope of recovery.

Gert went back to her job, using tweezers to carefully extract the fabric that the bullet had pushed into the wound. Of course, Erwin didn't need to be told that it was almost impossible to remove everything, impossible to truly clean the wound, and Levi would probably die of infection within days.

Levi's only hope was his healing ability, which was somehow connected to his wings. A few times Erwin had seen Levi recover from minor wounds more quickly than he should have, though nothing this serious.

"There." Gert sat back, tying the last of his bandages. "That's what I can do for him. I'll come in later to change his bandages. He's got a concussion, so it would be good to try and wake him every so often, or he could slip into a coma. I'm not sure if you'll manage to wake him, though."

"Can you give him something for the pain, at least?"

"I can give him something," she said. "Not much, or he might stop breathing, with his concussion."

Anything was better than nothing. Erwin watched as she measured out a small dose – too small, to his eyes, who had seen his share of drugged soldiers. Levi whimpered a little but swallowed, then fell back against the pile of pillows behind him. He shifted and winced a few times, unable to find a comfortable angle, then gave up and stopped moving, staring into space.

Gert stood up and stretched, yawning, and Erwin had to tamp down fury at her nonchalance. "That's all I can do for now, sir. I'll come immediately if anything changes."

"Thank you. Dismissed." There was nothing to be angry over, Erwin thought. She needed her rest. She had done her job. There was nothing more she could do for Levi at this point.

Erwin pulled a chair over to the bed. It gave an almighty screech when the legs dragged against the floor, so he lifted it up and set it down gently where he could sit and keep watch. Levi's eyelids drooped, his head lolled. It appeared he would be able to drift into some semblance of sleep – when his wings appeared yet again, pitching his body forward, dragging a pained moan from his throat. Erwin caught him by the shoulders, trying not to jolt him more than necessary.

"Sorry," he whispered in Levi's ear, then shoved a corner of the blanket into his mouth, securing it with his arm, while he drew a blade with his other hand. Levi choked against the fabric and gave a feeble struggle, wings shedding feathers while Erwin hacked inelegantly at them. It seemed to take longer, this time, but at least what little screaming there was remained muffled.

Finally the wings were dissolving, and Erwin gently released Levi's head, drawing him to lean back against the pillows. He pulled the makeshift gag away, using the edge to wipe saliva from the sides of Levi's mouth, murmuring apologies that Levi didn't seem to hear.

His eyes weren't focusing anymore, and his mouth remained half-open when Erwin left it. His skin in the light of the lamps was sallow and contrasted too sharply with the bruises under his eyes and his dark hair.

"Levi," Erwin said, reluctant to remove his fingers from Levi's rough jaw. "Levi, you can't die now, do you understand me? I thought you were dead, before. Do you know how foolishly I mourned you? I need to hear your report. I need to know what kept you away, what hurt you. I want you to beat sense into the soldiers who shot you. They will be so happy to know they failed to kill you. I apologize, Levi. I should have told them not to shoot at the sky."

He watched Levi's face for a hint of a reply, then chuckled and looked away, dropping his hand.

"I would feel less foolish now if you would just answer me."

There was a noise from behind the door and Erwin composed himself, wiping his face clear of whatever expression had inhabited it. He was unsurprised to see Mike enter the room.

"I told them the bare minimum," Mike said, ostensibly to Erwin, but his eyes were sliding over Levi's still form. "I instructed them to keep quiet, spread no rumors, and to inform everyone that the flying was an exaggeration. Levi climbed up the wall and was shot by the guards."

Erwin nodded. "I want a list of those in the know by tomorrow. In addition, please take note of anybody with strong ties to other branches of the military or the nobility, those with a propensity for gossip, and those who cannot hold their liquor."

If necessary, those soldiers would find themselves on a mission shortly.

"How's Levi?" Instead of leaving, Mike circled around to search out some sheets of paper and a pen, clearly intending to fulfill Erwin's request right here. Erwin was of half a mind to send him away, worried about the rumors spreading unchecked. But if Levi didn't survive the night, and he kept Mike away, Mike might never forgive him.

"The bullet went through his lung," Erwin said. No change from earlier.

Mike circled the room, then finally went to sit down on the floor, back propped against Erwin's bed, paper against his folded knees. His handwriting would doubtlessly be atrocious. Silence descended between them, heavy and waiting, amplifying the sound of Mike's scratching pen which was somehow louder than Levi's labored breaths. Erwin found himself breathing shallowly, holding his breath until he heard Levi take another one, synchronizing himself as if it would make a difference.

When he realized what he was doing, he forced himself to stop. Was it time to wake Levi up, yet? He couldn't say Levi looked like he was resting peacefully, but he wasn't really awake either, and Erwin ached when he considered that Levi hadn't yet said a single word, and might never speak again.

Erwin leaned forward, talking to Levi again, telling him to wake up, just wake up for a moment and then he could go back to sleep, wake up Levi.

Levi's eyelids fluttered, making Erwin's breath catch and on the floor Mike's pen stilled. He opened dull, sunken grey eyes, looking towards Erwin and just a bit through him, chapped lips pressing together in a brief swallow.

For a brief moment it seemed like Levi would talk – then he made a sound, and his entire body jerked again, the wings tearing out of his back for the fourth time that night. Erwin jerked back, nearly knocking over his chair, and Mike jumped to his feet swearing.

"Not _again_," Erwin hissed, glaring at the dark appendages in annoyance. But something was off about them, he realized immediately. Bare patches peeked through where feathers should be, and some spun pitifully to the floor as they watched. Instead of their normal imposing mass, the wings seemed smaller, thinner, almost skeletal – like Levi, whose cheeks had sunken in, eyes shut, entire body sucked dry by the effort of materializing his wings.

At this rate Levi wouldn't even last the night. Erwin went for his blade, and found Mike's hand on his wrist, stopping him.

"Commander," Mike said. "Are you sure that's the solution?"

"He always tells us to cut them off," Erwin replied, thinking distantly that his voice was rougher than usual, it was strange, there was no reason to lose his composure. "Levi's _human_, Mike, those wings are sapping his strength – look at him, they're eating him up. Let go of me."

Mike was undecided, and Erwin was _this close_ to lashing out when the door opened on Hange.

"What are you doing?" she asked, the sight of the two of them evidently enough to draw her attention from Levi. "Erwin, _what are you doing_?"

"The wings have to come off," he said. "I keep cutting them off and they keep coming back."

Hange closed the door quietly behind her and frowned. "For the longest time," she said. "I've hypothesized that Levi isn't a human who can grow wings, but a winged person who can masquerade as a human. I'd never tell him this, of course. It would break his heart."

It made Erwin's heart twinge, that thought. Levi must never know. He might leave and not return, and then where would the Corps be?

"Commander, if you continue to chop off his wings, he will drain himself dry in the attempt to rematerialize them. We need to let him heal."

Erwin let Mike remove his blades from nerveless fingers, eyes finding Levi once more. Four times now he had forced Levi to regrow his wings, if Hange was to be believed. If Levi died now it would be on his own head, not his hapless scouts.

"Erwin," Mike said, far off, "we didn't know. Don't blame yourself."

"Of course not," Erwin said distantly, imagining his voice sounded normal. He had made too many errors in judgment concerning Levi and his wings, he thought. He, who had promised to use Levi's life wisely.

He sat back down on the chair by Levi's bed, pulling it around the limp wing that dragged on the floor, carefully brushing fallen feathers out of the way. Hange and Mike arranged themselves around Levi as well, Mike returning to his spot on the floor, while Hange folded her legs and settled at the foot of the bed.

They had sat vigils together before, in the days after the Wall fell, when half the wounded who returned from the expeditions died a few days later from blood loss and infection. Their fellow trainees had all died by now, but for those who had chosen the Military Police or the Garrison. The four of them had weathered deaths in battle and after; it was wrong that they should be holding vigil for Levi of all people, whom all of them had expected to be the last to go.

"Levi, you stupid lunk," Hange said. "Don't you dare die. You ruined the harness I made for you. All my hard work down the drain. How did you even manage that?"

"You messed up Erwin's room," Mike said. "Feathers everywhere. I can't believe you."

"One little hole in your chest and you're down like a sack of potatoes, you call yourself Humanity's Strongest? You should know that the betting pool says that even if you lost both your legs and an arm you'd still bring down a titan before you went." Hange paused. "I have money riding on it too, you hear, so don't you dare fuck that up for me."

"Erwin," Mike prompted, nudging him until Erwin's eyes dropped to him. "Say something."

It felt like somewhere in the past few years Erwin had forgotten how to tell the dark jokes, how to reach out to others when everything was bleak. He sent so many soldiers to their deaths; it was easier to just freeze himself, not open the raw wound.

"If you die in my bed, Levi," he said, drawing from the place inside him where pain was still bright and sharp, "where will I sleep? I'd have to move into your quarters, and I don't fancy sharing with Mike. He snores terribly."

"I've gotten better about it," Mike grumbled. "Little asshole throws shoes at me when I wake him up at night."

Dawn was graying outside the window when they woke Levi next. Levi babbled a bit in that strange language of his, harsh and guttural, his tone complaining. The drugs were clearly wearing off, as he broke off to whimper, tossing his head from side to side, and had to be held down to keep from aggravating the wound. Hange tried to make him drink, mostly unsuccessfully. He let it dribble down his chin, dripping onto his neck and collarbone.

At the cold wetness Levi was temporarily lucid, giving them all a look of abject misery and shifting as if trying to get away from his own skin. Erwin mopped him up with one of his shirts and Levi quieted. A lot of drama with little results to show for it, but-

"Look at his wings," Hange said. They looked fuller, healthier. The bald patches were shrinking, visible steam coming from them and rising from his chest.

The sun was already visible somewhere in the eastern sky when Erwin sat back and exchanged a look with Mike and Hange. They had made it through the night, and Levi was still breathing, even looking a bit better than he had before. He might just make it.

When Gert came in to change his bandages, it was clear that they would have to go and take care of their own business. There were other soldiers that needed attention.

Still, the three of them waited, watching as she changed his bandages, cutting away what she could and leaving the parts trapped under the wings alone. It would be better to remove the patch, she said, but as long as they were worried about the damage that regrowing his wings again might do, it was better to leave things be. If he hadn't died yet, he might not.

His arm, on the other hand, appeared to be healing reasonably well. The break had been clean and quickly splinted, and right now was the least of their worries.

Levi sobbed a few times, tried to bat the prodding hands away. When he used his hand it wasn't a problem, but when he started flailing around with his wings Mike and Erwin had to hold him down. Even emaciated, the wings were far stronger than Erwin had anticipated – he had touched them upon occasion, but never considered the type of muscle necessary to hold Levi aloft.

Before she left, Gert gave Levi some more painkillers. It was a relief to see him slump back on the pillows, the almost-constant whimpering that had been trapped in his throat for hours relaxing to less acute discomfort.

They set a rotation for spending time with Levi – Hange, to be replaced by Erwin, with Mike taking the evening shift, assuming they would reassemble at night. Hoping that nothing would go wrong during the day, and Levi would continue to improve.

Erwin exited the island of silence that was his room into total bedlam. Not a single person hadn't heard of Levi's return during the night, and rumours had spread like wildfire. Erwin kept an ear out, and the more he heard, the more he wanted to burst with pride. Yes, people were saying that Levi had come flying in on black wings, but the soldiers in the know were doing an excellent job of redirecting. He heard Petra, one of the recent graduates but evidently with a good head on her shoulders telling everyone with enthusiasm that she'd heard Levi had come riding in on a titan, and several others put forth comparably ridiculous theories – that Levi had been on the back of a giant bird, that the guards had seen a huge vulture and pissed themselves in fear just when Levi showed up, that the Angel of Death had come carrying Levi on his shoulders and gifted Levi with his scythe before leaving.

Despite the gnawing worry, it was enough to bring a smile to Erwin's face. He couldn't wait until Levi heard all the stories; Levi would get so_huffy_. If his wings were out he'd fluff them up, which made him look more adorable than scary, not that Erwin would ever tell him.

Putting Levi back on active duty was going to be a pain, probably drag all sorts of annoying inquiries. Where had Levi gone, why had they assumed him dead, what was the nature of this special mission – it was going to demand a lot of creative lying on Erwin's part. Erwin felt a lightness in his step, anticipation. Next mission, Levi would be by his side once more.

Midday, when Erwin took his turn watching Levi, he was relieved to see that he was indeed improving. Some color was back in his hollow face, and he seemed to be sleeping more peacefully. The bald patches had completely vanished from his wings, which were glossy and healthy-looking once more.

Was he well enough to talk yet? "Levi, wake up, I brought you some lunch. It'll help you regain your strength."

Levi grumbled and opened his eyes, awake, but not seeming particularly lucid. The impression was reinforced when he gave a disturbing little giggle. Gert must have given him a heavier dose of medication – meaning that Levi was more comfortable now, but also he was ridiculous and it would be impossible to get anything out of him until it wore off.

Even so, Erwin managed to feed him some of the meat stew with a minimum of mess and made sure to wipe him down afterwards. Levi was asleep again almost immediately.

The three of them spent a second night by Levi's bedside, this time a bit more prepared. Hange and Mike brought blankets and bedded down on the floor. Erwin had protested that it wasn't necessary, it didn't look like Levi was in danger of dying now, even though he was still healing slowly and in a lot of pain. Hange replied that until Levi woke up they were going to hang around so Erwin decided to just let them do whatever they wanted.

He himself went to sleep in the chair next to Levi's bed. Wasn't the first time the chair had served that purpose, though Erwin dimly remembered it being less uncomfortable in the past. Either he needed to have the chair replaced or he was getting old for this sort of thing. Sleep came eventually, but it wasn't particularly deep or restful.

* * *

He was dragged towards wakefulness by a persistent voice accompanied by something batting repeatedly at his knee.

"I feel like shit. Erwin, get me some water. Erwin, get up and get me some water. What are you even here for if you're not going to do anything? Boy does your face look stupid when you're asleep, or maybe it's just the angle."

"Nngh?" Erwin woke up groggy, neck stiff, back stiff, _everything_ was stiff – "Levi? Levi!" He straightened up too suddenly and started cursing at the horrible wrench he gave his neck, which now felt like it was being stabbed with small red-hot knives. He clutched at his neck with his hands, though the frantic rubbing didn't do much. Levi, damn him, was laughing and then curled up in pain when it jarred his lungs, now making little choked sounds of mirth in between gasps of pain. All the racket woke up Mike and Hange, who threw her arms around Levi, making him wheeze and yelp at her to _watch it watch it owowow fuck_ while she sobbed into his shoulder.

"I suppose that's the end of the question of whether anybody's dying," said Mike. "Looks like you both are."

It took them all a few minutes to calm down. When they had settled back down, and Erwin had gotten Levi the water he wanted, he decided there was no reason to contain his curiosity any longer.

"Levi, what _happened_? It's been more than six weeks. We… we thought you might not be coming back."

Levi met his eyes, and something in his expression softened. "I'm not that easy to kill," he said. "Even though you sure _tried_, what the fuck was that?"

"The scouts responsible begged for latrine duty for the next two months in remorse. Now tell us. What did you discover? Where were you?"

Levi shifted, moved his wings, and tried to settle down more comfortably. "I did what you said, headed north. Made good time, took me less than a day to get into unmapped territory. Real pretty stuff out there, you know? There was this huge pond thing, that was linked to an even bigger pond thing. Also saw a huge waterfall, taller than Wall Maria. There was an abandoned city there, totally ruined. Really big buildings though, and everything out of this fancy stone. Nobody living. Found some chewed-up skeletons. There was a library, but it'd been torched."

(Here Hange gave a gasp of horror, and Levi shrugged apologetically at her, then winced)

"Kept going north. Saw some mountains, more ruins. I didn't see so many titans out there, much fewer than we get around the Walls. Probably because there are no people for them to eat. I hunted a bit to save on supplies. They've got these huge cat-things out there, they're vicious. One tried to jump me, but I gutted it."

Levi preened just a bit. Erwin wanted to tell him to get to the point already, but bit his tongue. There was no rush.

"I drew some maps along the way, too. But… I guess… I liked flying out there. I made good time, you know? I know you said to just go three days, but I thought, one more day wouldn't hurt, right? Maybe I'd find another city."

Ah, here come the complications. Erwin set his face into a stern expression, which Levi glanced at out of the corner of his eye, then pretended to have not noticed.

"I did find one. I got some books from there, too."

(Hange clapped in delight, then remembered that Levi had returned with no books on him at all)

"But that's where the problems started. This awful storm came up. Fucking bucketfuls just pouring out of the sky. I was worried I'd be late, though, so I tried to fly anyway."

Erwin resisted the urge to smack himself in the forehead.

"Yeah, okay, I was a fucking idiot. I figured that out myself. Eventually I just landed somewhere to wait it out. My maps got totally ruined by the wet, even though I double wrapped them, don't give me that look, Mike, I _know_ how to waterproof shit. So I started heading back and I guess the storm blew me off course, 'cause I flew back south for four days and couldn't find the Walls. So I kept going for another day or two but _still_couldn't find 'em, and let me tell you, you go into that big-ass world and realize that our walls are fucking tiny. It's pathetic. So I tried to zigzag a bit, backtracking, 'cause I said maybe it's more to east or west but nope. Zip. My gut told me the storm had blown me west, so I tried going east, but turns out my gut is a fucking moron because that didn't get me anywhere. I decided to try and find that river, it was huge, should lead me back, right? Well I guess there's two of those big piss-streams, because I flew north on it and didn't get to any waterfalls."

Levi took a breath. Even though his tone was flippant, Erwin could see that he was strained, that it had scared him much worse than he was letting on.

"I ran out of food sometime then, and I was getting tired. Couldn't sleep well, I was always afraid of getting jumped by something. I've never had my flappers out for more than a few days at a time, either, and this was weeks. Everything hurt. Everything still hurts, actually, full body massages are welcome. That's around when I started jettisoning weight. I was afraid I'd be too tired to fly. Ditched the books, the straps, the water – and okay, that was a fucking bad idea as well, I ended up wasting loads of time searching for food and water. Eventually I just tried to skip meals as much as possible, figured I'd catch up when I got back. But I couldn't find the damn walls. Felt like forever."

Levi's voice trailed off and he looked towards the window, throat working. Erwin could see the exhaustion on his face clearly, and reached out to grip Levi's shoulder, to anchor him.

"One day I just stopped and stayed on a treetop the whole day. Couldn't bring myself to move, I just thought there was no point. I was sure I was going to die out there alone. Told myself you'd be pissed off at me, and the next day I managed to get myself going again. I think I went kind of crazy. There was nobody to talk to, I started yelling stuff at the sky. I think I hallucinated, too, but that might be from something I ate. Or maybe I was just imagining stuff. Thought I could hear your voice calling me, tried to follow it. Didn't work either."  
Levi met Erwin's eyes, then, and his lips twitched a bit.

"Ah, whatever. Nothing interesting happened. Somehow I found the walls and came back and met your welcoming committee, and here we are. I didn't discover any humans. Didn't bring back any books. I want to sleep for a month. And if I never have to take a shit in the woods again it'll be too soon."

The tension released, and Erwin leaned back in his chair, belatedly removing his hand from Levi's shoulder. So that was it. No big tragedy, no attacks – Levi had simply gotten lost on the way back. Something so idiotic had almost kept him away forever.

"What about other… non human people?" Erwin resisted the urge to run his knuckles against Levi's feathers which were _right there_.

"Titans?"

"Not titans."

Levi met his gaze with exhausted grey eyes. "Nothing," he said. "Didn't see anybody."

One last hope, in that case. Erwin took out a folded piece of paper. "While you were out, you seemed to be speaking a different language. I wrote down some of the words that were recognizable. You said _lo_ a lot, also something like _azov_, and once you called me _eema_. Does that mean anything to you?"

Levi's eyebrows furrowed, his face wrinkled up, and he clenched his eyes shut. For a long moment he was silent, chewing on his lip, working the words through his mind, shaking with the struggle. Erwin hoped for him, so very hard, that the words would ignite some memory, some clue… He didn't want to lose Levi, but he couldn't resist trying to help. Levi might never admit how important it was to him, but Erwin didn't need him to.

But Levi's shoulders slumped and he shook his head. "Nothing. Not a fucking thing. I don't know what any of that means. This whole thing was a fucking waste of time."

That was it, then. True to form, they had spent six weeks, nearly died, and had nothing to show for it. No maps, no books, no other flying people. Nothing but the knowledge that apparently they were alone in an empty world. Levi was looking out the window again, his back a defeated, apologetic curve.

That wouldn't do. Erwin reached out and closed his fingers around Levi's thin wrist, ignoring how Levi jumped at the touch and stared at him.

"I'm glad you're back safely," Erwin said. "Please don't scare me like this again."

Levi didn't answer, but gave his commander a half smile. "I don't have anywhere else to go. Looks like you're stuck with me."

* * *

Levi knocked at the entrance to Erwin's office with his left hand. Even though his right was practically healed, it still twinged occasionally.

"Not now," said Erwin.

He opened the door and limped in. Erwin glanced up from his work with a look of annoyance that cleared immediately when he saw who it was.

"Levi! You shouldn't be up." And Erwin was on his feet coming to Levi's side, ready to help him into a chair, like Levi was some kind of fucking invalid. Which he sort of was, but it had been three days since he had gotten shot and the bullet wound, at least, was healing pretty well.

"My legs are fine," Levi complained, "it's my back that's shit." Still, he let Erwin settle him in the chair and shifted around, trying to find an angle that didn't make him want to die. His abilities were absolute shit, why did fatal wounds heal but pulled muscles hung around for weeks? At least he didn't have to drag his wings around all the time now.

Erwin was giving him this inspecting look, like his eyes could see right through him and analyze the state of his health. Which maybe Erwin could, he was sometimes scary with how quickly he noticed when Levi was off his game.

When he had satisfied himself of whatever it was, Erwin returned to his seat behind the desk and picked up his quill again. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I'm fucking bored and my back hurts." Normally Erwin would usher him right back out, but at the moment Erwin was still feeling guilty over sending Levi on a six-week waste of time that ended with him getting shot. Levi was milking it for all it was worth. Guilty Erwin could be harassed into _so much_.

Wait… Levi's eyes found the desk, staring at the black quill in Erwin's hands. "Trying to go back to the happy days before the wall or what? The hell are you doing with a quill pen, did technology break or something?"

"Ah." Erwin looked a bit sheepish, and that set off all of Levi's warning bells. He watched as Erwin stroked his fingers down the spines, before saying, "it's a handsome feather, and quite sturdy. And you see that I had it fitted with a proper nib."

Levi stared at the feather, mesmerized, and when it hit him he felt like an absolute _idiot_ for not figuring it out immediately. "Oh god. That's mine. _That's my feather_. Gross, Erwin, disgusting, what are you _doing_ with that?"

Erwin gave that asshole smile of his. "I hardly see how it can be dirty, I assume you keep yourself clean." He was stroking the feather again, fingers starting at the base and running all the way to the tip. Levi couldn't tear his eyes away from the movement, and couldn't resist a shudder.

"It came off _my body_, it's like collecting… fingernails or something! Erwin! Don't – stop rubbing it on your face!"

Levi wanted to attack him but everything made his back hurt, he could hardly _move_, there was no way he'd get the feather away from Erwin.

"But it's so soft. And I think I deserve to make use of your feathers, considering how many of them you left strewn across my room."

He _had_ made a mess. Levi twitched. It was true, he had lost feathers and he hadn't cleaned them up because when they transferred him back into his own room he still hadn't been particularly capable of walking. And he'd spent the rest of that day trying to chivvy Mike into cleaning. He hadn't even thought of the mess he'd left for Erwin.

But that didn't mean it was okay for Erwin to be _petting himself_ with Levi's feathers.

"Stop it, just _stop_, you're giving me the creeps, I would beat the shit out of you if I could, you bastard!" Levi leaned forward to try and snatch the feather away, but it was too easy for Erwin to twitch it away from his flailing hands.

Erwin was laughing. Fuck him. "This is revenge, isn't it? For – for-"

"For what?"

"For…" Levi swallowed. For fucking _everything_, he realized. The shoe was on the other foot now. Shit. "I'll steal it," he threatened. "Breaking into your room is really easy."

"I have more. Lots more, actually. I was thinking of making a feather duster. What do you think?"

"_Fuck you_."


End file.
